How to tell a partner and show how best.

Faking an orgasm can be for various reasons. According to a survey conducted by American scientists in 2019, 58% of women at least once simulated an orgasm during sex. Some interviewees noted that they wanted to talk to partners, but were afraid to upset them or were embarrassed. However, an honest conversation can change your sex life for the better.

Why do women fake orgasms?

Don’t want to upset your partner

In 2013, psychologist Erin Cooper and colleagues studied the causes of female orgasm imitation . It turned out that some feign pleasure so as not to upset their partner. Women wanted him to feel better, not feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed, and his self-esteem was not affected. 

Psychologist Karen Blair explains that faking an orgasm can also be a “partner retention strategy.” It is accepted in society that women’s pleasure is valued by men, therefore, in order to satisfy them, partners imitate an orgasm.

Simulation turns them on

A study by Erin Cooper found that faking an orgasm aroused women during both oral and penis-vaginal sex. According to the psychologist, the interviewees said that their arousal increased due to their own pretense, and sex became more pleasant.

Want to end sex 

In 2011, psychologist Gail Brewer and her colleague Colin Hendry conducted a study on women’s screams during a simulated orgasm. Interviewees imitated because they were bored, tired, uncomfortable, or simply wanted to speed up their partner’s ejaculation. 

Some also commented that the men were so “motivated” that they didn’t want to stop until their partner had an orgasm. In other words, the women were imitating to end the sex faster. 

Worried about not being able to reach orgasm

Psychotherapist Crystal Woodbridge claims that some girls are under pressure. They consider orgasm the main goal of sex, because of this they cannot fully relax and enjoy the process. Therefore, when a woman realizes that she still won’t be able to achieve orgasm, or that it takes a long time, it’s easier to pretend that she has already enjoyed it. 

What to do if you want to stop pretending

Figure out why you pretend 

Crystal Woodbridge believes that first you need to understand the reasons for the pretense. You need to ask yourself questions: how long has this been going on? Was there a fake orgasm with every partner or only with the current one? Do you masturbate alone? Do you get an orgasm from masturbation? The answers will help to understand the motives, and understand what to do next. 

Study yourself

Crystal Woodbridge explains: to get an orgasm, you need to understand how to come to it. To do this, you need to figure out what you like about sex and spend time alone with yourself. Learn what touches and practices you enjoy. In the future, you can try the same thing in sex with a partner. 

How to tell your partner about the simulation 

Sexologist Isaiah McKimmy advises the following rules:

Choose the right time . It is best if neither of you is busy with important matters that can distract you in the middle of a dialogue. It is desirable that both of you are relaxed and ready to give enough attention  to the conversation .

Start with the positives. Before sharing the news that you faked an orgasm, explain to your partner what you enjoyed. For example, talk about specific practices, about the special closeness that appears between you during sex, or about pleasant touches.

Share your feelings. If you are nervous during a conversation, say so. The partner can be more imbued with experiences and listen to you. Explain honestly but gently why you were faking it. 

Don’t blame your partner. Dissatisfaction is not your fault or his fault. Remember that you are talking to make your sex life better. Encourage your partner and say that you are ready to figure it out together.

Show me how to

Psychotherapist Kim Robinson suggests showing your partner what and where you like touching. Explain what excites you in his actions, and what, on the contrary, you would like to give up. Tell us what things you would like to do differently. You can offer to read special literature together and try tips from there together. 

Try something new

According to Crystal Woodbridge, often heterosexual couples believe that penetration is enough to get an orgasm . But according to a survey conducted by the US Sexual Health Center, only 18% of women get an orgasm from penetrative sex. The specialist recommends trying other practices that will bring pleasure not only to one partner. 

Change focus

Crystal Woodbridge believes that many girls are pressured by the installation that orgasm is the main goal in sex. Shifting focus can help relieve stress. According to the therapist, even people who can achieve orgasm don’t always experience it during sex, and they don’t always want it. Orgasms are part of sex, but they shouldn’t be a constant goal.